The (Non-Comprehensive) Guide To Your Observant Jewish Co-Worker!

---

Your (Non-Comprehensive) Guide To Your Observant Jewish Co-Worker!

Ah, a new year! For many, that’s a chance for a new beginning and new opportunities. For me (Yechiel), it meant joining a new team.

Joining a new team involves lots of onboarding tasks, making sure I have access to all relevant systems, getting added to all the team meetings, etc. As an observant Jew, though, there were also a series of conversations I had to have. Again.

There’s the “Shabbat conversation” (“Yes, Shabbat starts at sundown on Friday. No, I can not be available for on-call, even for emergencies; my phone will be off!”).

There’s the “Kosher conversation” (“No, just because the restaurant came up when you Googled ‘Kosher deli’ doesn’t mean I can eat there. That’s right, even if you requested to hold back the ham.”)

As well as many other fun conversations from time to time (“No, Chanukah is not the ‘Jewish Christmas.’”)

Thankfully, I’ve been privileged to work at a great company with diverse teams, so everyone’s been very understanding and accommodating, but sometimes just having these conversations can be exhausting!

Looking back, my favorite teams to work with had teammates who happened to be knowledgeable in Jewish practices (at least to some extent) and they would take some of that cognitive load off my head (“maybe we should schedule that meeting for earlier on Friday so Yechiel can get home on time?”)

So, as a service to my fellow allies, I present to you a short, and by no means comprehensive, Guide To Your Observant Co-Worker!

I want to add a disclaimer before I start though. Jews, even observant Jews, aren’t monolithic. Different people have different levels or types of observance. What works for one person may be unacceptable to another and vice versa. When in doubt, try not to assume; just ask (we try not to bite)!

Shabbat

Shabbat is the big one. Many people unfamiliar with the observance of Shabbat don’t realize to what extent Shabbat is observed in Jewish homes. Orthodox Jews will not cook, drive, turn on/off the lights, watch TV, or even look at their phones!

When your observant co-worker tells you they won’t be available, they mean just that! Their phone will be off, and the only way you can reach them is by coming to their house (not a bad idea actually, I make a mean Kugel! You won’t regret it!)

Another thing about Shabbat (and Jewish dates in general) is that it starts at Sundown the night before (Friday night), which, in New York at least, can get as early as 4:10 pm in the winter! So not only will we not be available Saturday afternoon, we actually might need to leave early on Friday to make sure we can get home before Shabbat starts.

Additionally, as mentioned, many household chores like cooking, baking, showering, etc. are not done on Shabbat. We, therefore, can’t just run into the house 10 minutes before sunset; most observant Jews prefer to be home a few hours before to make sure they have everything ready.

So when your observant co-worker asks to duck out early Friday afternoon, please don’t make an issue of it. Definitely don’t pull up Google and say, “but sundown isn’t for another 3 hours!” (yes, I’ve had a manager who used to do that!)

Just smile and say, “Shabbat Shalom!”

Holidays

Yes, we have a lot of them!

And, unlike secular holidays, they aren’t just nice days off. Many of them are as strict as Shabbat in terms of work we’re not allowed to do.

What that means in practical terms is that we will not be able to come into the office. We will use our paid (or unpaid) time off, and not even for a well-needed vacation in Hawaii.

How can you, as an ally, help?

First of all, there are the accommodations mentioned above for Shabbat (be understanding that we will not be available on Slack or email, understand if we need to leave early the day before, etc.)

Additionally, if you’re in the position to make these decisions, any additional PTO you can offer to your observant employees is not just a nice gesture, it can spell the difference between their families getting an actual vacation this year or not!

In fact, one of the most attractive benefits to me at my current company is our unlimited PTO policy! That (and the fact that my manager is Shomer Shabbat) means that I don’t have to count my days off in the summer to make sure that I won’t be stuck on Sukkot. Its truly been a lifesaver!

Kosher

That’s another biggy. And often misunderstood.

The laws of Kosher are very complex; they take years to learn. Please don’t assume that you can handle them on your own.

When organizing a team lunch, it might be tempting to just Google “kosher restaurant” and choose one of the options that come up. Please don’t.

What will end up happening is that there’s a high chance that you will choose the wrong restaurant. Not every restaurant that says “Kosher” on its website is indeed Kosher, and even restaurants that are certified might not be up to your co-worker’s standards.

That will put you and your co-worker in an uncomfortable situation. You just went out of your way to accommodate them, and now they are in the position where they have to decide between compromising on their standards or having to worry about offending you and seeming unappreciative of your efforts.

A much better approach would be just to ask them. Every observant Jew in the workforce has already compiled a list of acceptable food establishments around their office. For real, we looked into that before we even decided we want to apply to work at your company! Just ask us, we’ll be happy to share where we feel comfortable eating.

Yichud/Negiah

Judaism has many laws and customs around modesty, boundaries, and family.

The first one that might come up in the workspace is Yichud, where people don’t seclude themselves in a room with someone from the opposite gender.

There are many details, and certain allowances are made in professional settings. You probably won’t even notice it if you don’t pay attention, but if it ever looked like your co-worker was deliberate about leaving the door open a crack during your last 1:1, they probably were.

Something else that may be more noticeable is the observance of Negiah, or touch.

Jewish law puts limits around how close members of opposite genders should get, and the general guideline is to set the line at physically touching.

Again, there are allowances around professional settings, and different people have different levels of observance. Some even avoid a handshake, others will set the line at more familiar forms of touch like a high-five, most will avoid hugs.

As always, if you’re in doubt if your co-worker is comfortable with a particular form of contact, your safest bet is just to ask (a good idea in general)!

As mentioned, this is not a comprehensive list, though it does cover the more significant points.

If you’re curious about anything, please feel free to ask us; most of us love talking about this stuff! Okay, maybe not while there’s an outage going on in prod, but maybe over a (kosher) lunch!